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Articles: The Bumble's End - Comedy Crime

Monday, November 07, 2011 - 04:50 PM, (1452 Reads)

The Bumble's End by Jimmy Bain
Crime with a large dash of Black Humour.

Imagine Philip Marlowe woke up one day with the mother of all hangovers and discovered he'd been turned into a Glaswegian. And not only that but he's saddled with a partner in the shape of his devious fat friend, The Bumble. Well, that's how our Narrator feels.

After finding a dead man hanging from a door, discovering a stash of Nazi memorabilia, and surviving a run-in with a psychotic hoodlum, the Narrator is in no mood for any more nonsense. The Bumble's explanations involving the mysterious flight of Rudolph Hess to Scotland, a deceased Glasgow car dealer, and a hoard of Nazi gold just don't ring true...

The Bumble's End is a black humourous tale of greed, death and toffees in the run up to Christmas. Femmes fatales, old Nazis and a Rottweiler called Tango chase through the pages after some missing gold. Also on the trail are three unwise men watched over by a corrupt cop with a head cold.

The Season of Goodwill just doesn't get any more funpacked than this.


The Bumble was at his desk.

‘Anybody else die or been abducted since yesterday?’ I said heading for the kettle.

He sighed, sat back down and lifted a Marks and Spencer carrier bag onto the desk. Reaching into it he brought out an old brown teddy bear with amber eyes. It had a hangman's noose around his neck. There was silence for a moment.

‘Didn’t know Sooty was a Mason,’ I said.

'It arrived by courier this morning,’ said the Bumble, ‘It belongs to my brother, Jim. I recognise it from when we were kids. There was a phone call from Kev Barr saying he had him.'

'So,’ I said, ‘I presume he’s being held here in Glasgow?’ The Bumble nodded.
I poured boiling water into a couple of mugs and spooned in coffee. ‘Here, I bought some sweetners – want some?

‘Aye, go on.’

Opening the window I lifted the carton of milk on the sill and checked to see if the birds had been at it. It seemed safe enough to drink.

'So,’ I said, ‘what's the price for not hanging your brother?’ I handed a mug to the Bumble.

'The documents.’

'Okay, what do they want to do? Meet and exchange?'

'You been watching the Ipcress File again? This isn't the Cold War with the KGB, we're not about to meet in an underground carpark - this is Kev Barr we’re dealing with.’

'How long have we got?’

'By six tonight,' said the Bumble.

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